Growing up I was what you would typically recognise these
days as an anxious child. I worried and became very good at it. No one ever
knew about my worry. I was an internal worrier and over the years, my anxiety
took many shapes and forms. It disguised itself as nervousness, bitchiness, panic
attacks, migraines, asthma, over confidence, shyness, hanger, aches, pains you
name it. With this worry came a sensitivity…to life. The type of sensitivity that
led to even more worry which led to more sensitivity. It was a vicious cycle. I
fell victim of the common expression of, ‘you’re just so sensitive’. A negative
statement closely followed by a negative stigma. I became so concerned with this
that I grew to become, ‘hard’. I didn’t open up about anything and pretended
like nothing affected me. I stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve and shut down
when situations became emotionally overwhelming. Affection was something not in
my characteristics and telling those I love things that I love about them was
too difficult a task that I removed myself from situations that required it.
It wasn’t until one day when I was into my fourth day of
crying myself to sleep, scrolling through Pinterest searching depressing
quotes, feeling sorry for myself and going through the typical motions of
putting myself down that I stumbled across these powerful words. They said, ‘I used
to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that
single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience,
my ability to empathise, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of
the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my
passion for it all’- (anonymous). I was 24 at the time. This was where
everything changed, my whole outlook on life did a 360 as I gave myself a slap
in the face, literally, I slapped my face. I am sensitive; in fact, I would
even go as far as saying I am hypersensitive. My senses are incredibly heightened
and yes this can cause worry at times but I began to realise that sensitivity was
one of the most beautiful characteristics an individual could posses. Yes, I feel
the lowest of lows but I too feel the highest of highs. I recognise the beauty
in all my surroundings and am lucky enough to experience the warm fuzzies that
come with it. So thank you Pinterest, you changed my life.
Here began my journey. I became confident in myself and my
abilities. I began to change and could physically feel the change happening. I stepped
into a career that I haven’t looked back on. I became a behaviour intervention
teacher for young children, which meant I was able to help children like myself
embrace their emotions and the beauty that comes with it. I began a journey to
better educate myself in the area and started my Masters of Cognitive
Psychology and Educational Practice. It was here that I discovered mindfulness.
A practice that originated from eastern meditation traditions and unfortunately
until recently was given the side eye from society as it was deemed a little
odd and too spiritual. I educated myself around the concept and even went as
far as becoming a facilitator of child developed mindfulness programs. As my curiosity and education of it grew so
did my own practice of it. I began to hear of it more and more in the media,
the education system and everyday lives. There was a buzz (there still is) and I
was excited. I incorporated it into my classroom and watched as amazing things
developed from it. Which brings me here. My passion for the practice is at an all-time
high. There is very little stopping me from standing on top of a building and yelling
to all, “mindfulness, the saviour and answer to everything”. Ok. Well maybe not
everything but jeez, it helps. So here we are. I still have my bad days, trust
me but this practice certainly helps. Enjoy, let’s grow and discover ourselves
through a mindful mind together.
