R U OK?

The Dedication:

This little story all started a couple of weeks ago when in the garage of my own home. I decided I needed a spray tan for my sister’s wedding coming up and reached out to someone I knew on Instagram to see if she could come out and beautify me. Fast-forward 48 hours and there I stood naked, stiff nipped and nervous that the neighbours might accidentally peer through their bathroom window and catch a sight no one wants to see. Now you’re probably all looking at your screens sideways a little puzzled at where this is going but I promise you this has meaning. You see the woman who was tanning me was someone I had been admiring on social media for a little while now. She is an individual who, this year, is in the process of sharing to the world of social media what she is going through and how she is managing. She speaks of trauma, anxiety, autism, alcoholism and her journey through it all. I was and continuously am in awe of her bravery.  She has demonstrated such a strength in her ability to expose her battles, her vulnerabilities, her weaknesses, her fears, for the world to engage in.   

So there I was, in nothing but a paper shower cap, butt naked and everything out on show. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was completely vulnerable myself in the state I was in or if I was high off the tanning fumes but I sparked up the ‘conversation’. You know those tricky ones that we usually avoid. I told her how much I loved what she was doing and asked her question after question about her journey. Without hesitation, she spoke to me, me, someone she didn’t know all that well. With a power I cannot explain. So today’s post is dedicated to her and her and courage. You know who you are.

Are You Okay?

We are funny as human beings. We need connection with others, it is the way we are wired, without it we do become angry and bitter, we hurt, and yet when we need it the most we hide behind our fake and broken smiles and pretend that we are fine. We have this warped perception that in life you have to be brave and strong and that vulnerability means we are weak and weakness is not good. Success is measured by your job and how much money you earn or by your followers on Instagram. We forget that it is ok not to feel ok and we withdraw from sharing with those around us when we need them the most. When those not so great emotions overwhelm us we supress them because well, we struggle to show that we may need help.

I was in one of those places not that long ago. That place where bed was comfort and people were too difficult to be around. I was exhausted with life and withdrew from the people I loved the most. I hid behind the smiles and fake laughs, I told people I was fine and made up lies when people checked in on me.

{FINE, We all know what it really means- Fucked up, Insecure, Needy and Emotional}

Even my beautiful friends, the group of ladies in my life that I’ve always been able to talk were hidden from I was going through. At the time I didn’t really know why this was happening to me. It was a shock to me because I was always that person that was positive and happy and saw a glass half full. I knew how to fix my day through meditation, fresh air and time sent with loved ones but all those things just weren’t cutting it.  Reflecting on it now I believe it was a culmination of things that I kept to myself and supressed and pretended weren’t happening. It wasn’t a black cloud like they describe but there was definitely a grey one lingering around. It wasn’t until one day, whilst at work one of my closest colleagues asked the question, “Are you okay?” This was when the flood gates opened and for days and days I cried and talked, yelled a little, cried some more and talked…and talked… and talked. The grey cloud was  still there to an extent because, hey they don’t just disappear without some kind of resolution, but the heaviness was lifted and I was able to think rationally and start to be proactive about the next few steps I needed to take.

Which leads me to today. R U OK day. I thought this day would be the perfect opportunity for me to post about how important it is to speak up and check in on people around you. The simple question that when asked can change a person’s life. As I wrote earlier we tend to hide our grey cloud from everyone, embarrassed and afraid of what it might bring when we open up. Funnily enough though we also feel that it is our duty that when someone does open up we have do everything in our power to make sure we help them in these moments of crisis. Often we go too far and our actions actually deter our loved ones from sharing again. When you’re in those dark moments you don’t want the platitudes or the, ‘you need to…’ or ‘you should…’ What we need is someone to simply listen without passing judgement.

The R U OK campaign have released four great tips to help us manage conversations we are uncomfortable. They say:

1. Ask, Are you OK?
   The simple question can shape and change our everyday conversations and help remove the awful stigma we feel in regards to vulnerability and weakness.
2. Listen without judgement
   So much peace can be brought to a person when they just have an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
3. Encourage action
   This isn’t always seeking out professional advice or counselling but a simple walk on the beach or something of that nature.
4. Check in
   Always follow up. You never know one simple question could save a person’s life.

So that’s my story. I hope that it reaches someone just like my dedication touched me. I hope it gives someone the strength to speak out when I ask you, R U OK?