The Mindful Place

The Dedication:

This little story all started a couple of weeks ago when in the garage of my own home. I decided I needed a spray tan for my sister’s wedding coming up and reached out to someone I knew on Instagram to see if she could come out and beautify me. Fast-forward 48 hours and there I stood naked, stiff nipped and nervous that the neighbours might accidentally peer through their bathroom window and catch a sight no one wants to see. Now you’re probably all looking at your screens sideways a little puzzled at where this is going but I promise you this has meaning. You see the woman who was tanning me was someone I had been admiring on social media for a little while now. She is an individual who, this year, is in the process of sharing to the world of social media what she is going through and how she is managing. She speaks of trauma, anxiety, autism, alcoholism and her journey through it all. I was and continuously am in awe of her bravery.  She has demonstrated such a strength in her ability to expose her battles, her vulnerabilities, her weaknesses, her fears, for the world to engage in.   

So there I was, in nothing but a paper shower cap, butt naked and everything out on show. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was completely vulnerable myself in the state I was in or if I was high off the tanning fumes but I sparked up the ‘conversation’. You know those tricky ones that we usually avoid. I told her how much I loved what she was doing and asked her question after question about her journey. Without hesitation, she spoke to me, me, someone she didn’t know all that well. With a power I cannot explain. So today’s post is dedicated to her and her and courage. You know who you are.

Are You Okay?

We are funny as human beings. We need connection with others, it is the way we are wired, without it we do become angry and bitter, we hurt, and yet when we need it the most we hide behind our fake and broken smiles and pretend that we are fine. We have this warped perception that in life you have to be brave and strong and that vulnerability means we are weak and weakness is not good. Success is measured by your job and how much money you earn or by your followers on Instagram. We forget that it is ok not to feel ok and we withdraw from sharing with those around us when we need them the most. When those not so great emotions overwhelm us we supress them because well, we struggle to show that we may need help.

I was in one of those places not that long ago. That place where bed was comfort and people were too difficult to be around. I was exhausted with life and withdrew from the people I loved the most. I hid behind the smiles and fake laughs, I told people I was fine and made up lies when people checked in on me.

{FINE, We all know what it really means- Fucked up, Insecure, Needy and Emotional}

Even my beautiful friends, the group of ladies in my life that I’ve always been able to talk were hidden from I was going through. At the time I didn’t really know why this was happening to me. It was a shock to me because I was always that person that was positive and happy and saw a glass half full. I knew how to fix my day through meditation, fresh air and time sent with loved ones but all those things just weren’t cutting it.  Reflecting on it now I believe it was a culmination of things that I kept to myself and supressed and pretended weren’t happening. It wasn’t a black cloud like they describe but there was definitely a grey one lingering around. It wasn’t until one day, whilst at work one of my closest colleagues asked the question, “Are you okay?” This was when the flood gates opened and for days and days I cried and talked, yelled a little, cried some more and talked…and talked… and talked. The grey cloud was  still there to an extent because, hey they don’t just disappear without some kind of resolution, but the heaviness was lifted and I was able to think rationally and start to be proactive about the next few steps I needed to take.

Which leads me to today. R U OK day. I thought this day would be the perfect opportunity for me to post about how important it is to speak up and check in on people around you. The simple question that when asked can change a person’s life. As I wrote earlier we tend to hide our grey cloud from everyone, embarrassed and afraid of what it might bring when we open up. Funnily enough though we also feel that it is our duty that when someone does open up we have do everything in our power to make sure we help them in these moments of crisis. Often we go too far and our actions actually deter our loved ones from sharing again. When you’re in those dark moments you don’t want the platitudes or the, ‘you need to…’ or ‘you should…’ What we need is someone to simply listen without passing judgement.

The R U OK campaign have released four great tips to help us manage conversations we are uncomfortable. They say:

So that’s my story. I hope that it reaches someone just like my dedication touched me. I hope it gives someone the strength to speak out when I ask you, R U OK?

1. The anxiety set from Courtney and the babes- @courtneyandthebabes












Vetiver- Uplifting, soothing, healing and protective properties, boosts energy levels, soothes feelings of anxiety and nervousness, increases libido and treats insomnia. Has been used to treat symptoms of ADHD and ADD.   



2. Believe from the Young living range- @younglivingeo

Coriander- Stimulates Hormone Secretion, purifies the blood, improves digestion and treats spasms

3. Heart and Soul from the Springfield range

This blend has been made to soothe and balance your heart and soul and is an ideal combination for meditation. In fact, I am burning this blend as we speak. It is a fantastic blend of oils that is not only great for burning but can also be added to creams to moisturise skin as it possess great skin benefits.






4. Peace and Calming, again from the Young Living range


Tangerine- Improves mental fortitude, relieves pain, purifies the blood, improves digestion, relieves spasms and provides energy.

Mindfulness, the new buzz on the streets. We are seeing it everywhere. It’s the new black, the new man bun, the new smashed avo. This new trend is sweeping the nation.  

So what exactly is Mindfulness? Well if you googled it you would get:

Mindfulness

ˈmʌɪn(d)f(ʊ)lnəs/

noun

noun: mindfulness

1. 1.

   the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.

   "their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition"
2. 2.

   a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

But what does that even mean?


My understanding:


Focussing our direct attention on what is happening now.


Ways in which we can do this:
- breathe mindfully
- use mindful observation
- even think mindfully.


It’s waking up in the morning and noticing the smell of a freshly ground coffee. It’s walking down the street and observing the cute little dandelions lining the path. It’s allowing particular thoughts and feelings to occur and acknowledging them without judgement.


Basically, we see life through the eyes of curiosity. We let our inner child break free, no inhibitions. Think about it. Kids notice and question everything with innocence. They are inquisitive and aren't afraid of this. Our attention is often so focused elsewhere; like old memories, fantasies, plans or worries. We rarely live right now in the moment and have a tendency to be on autopilot. How many times have you driven somewhere and arrived at your destination without realising how you even got there. Once? Twice? Multiple times? That, unfortunately, is how we drive our lives. We are missing out on actually living.


So mindfulness. The old practice that yogi’s all over the world have been trying to get us to embark on for many years. Deriving from the historical teachings of Buddha and his journey to Nirvana.

Nirvana

nɪəˈvɑːnə/

noun

noun: nirvana

1. (in Buddhism) a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth. It represents the final goal of Buddhism.

The end of suffering. When I first read that I could not believe how much that resonated with me. I never thought of how much I caused myself to suffer without even realising that it was me doing it to myself.  I don’t know about you but I was the antonym of nirvana. You know those memes that pop up in the Instagram feed talking about your anxieties in the middle of the night, the ones that say things like-






Those memes were literally me and I'm gonna guess that those memes are also you.

So with that lets get to the science of mindfulness. Side note: how funny are we as creatures that we need science to prove to us that something is good for us. We couldn't just listen to the yogi's and trust in what they were saying.


The science behind mindfulness is incredible. The evidence has proven that it has the ability to enhance our overall psychological well-being. It has the ability to:

You see when we build skills of mindfulness we enable ourselves to access avenues of creativity, flexibility and lateral thinking which allow us to manage challenging situations more rationally. Mindfulness mediation actually reduces the size of the Amygdala, (remember the Smoke Alarm part of our brain I discussed in my earlier article), enabling us to use our frontal lobes more readily and essentially meaning we bounce back from situations easier and possess a more positive and holistic outlook on life. When we are mindful we allow our thoughts and feelings not to be labelled as good or bad and we don’t seek out or avoid those particular emotions. We accept them and act almost as a witness to them as we observe in a nonjudgmental manner.


Now don’t get me wrong being mindful is not as easy as you think. If you’re like me and have spent many years building up those networks within the brain of worrying then your busy brain will be challenged. Our thoughts, feelings, values don't automatically make a switch. For me it is a practise, leading to a practice. Meditating is a beginning step for me on my journey of mindfulness. I find it difficult to meditate solo. I can't just lay in the silence of my bedroom and start focusing on my breathing. I still, after a couple of years, need the candles and diffusers, the calming music and the gentle guidance of someone talking me through it. I attend guided meditations, listen to them on YouTube or on particular mindfulness apps. If you’ve never meditated before than do me a favour. Find somewhere nearby that you can attend for a ‘relaxation session’. They are around. Put yourself first. Schedule some much needed 'me' time' into your busy life. That, I feel, is the first step to making a change from mind full to mindful.

Growing up I was what you would typically recognise these days as an anxious child. I worried and became very good at it. No one ever knew about my worry. I was an internal worrier and over the years, my anxiety took many shapes and forms. It disguised itself as nervousness, bitchiness, panic attacks, migraines, asthma, over confidence, shyness, hanger, aches, pains you name it. With this worry came a sensitivity…to life. The type of sensitivity that led to even more worry which led to more sensitivity. It was a vicious cycle. I fell victim of the common expression of, ‘you’re just so sensitive’. A negative statement closely followed by a negative stigma. I became so concerned with this that I grew to become, ‘hard’. I didn’t open up about anything and pretended like nothing affected me. I stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve and shut down when situations became emotionally overwhelming. Affection was something not in my characteristics and telling those I love things that I love about them was too difficult a task that I removed myself from situations that required it.

It wasn’t until one day when I was into my fourth day of crying myself to sleep, scrolling through Pinterest searching depressing quotes, feeling sorry for myself and going through the typical motions of putting myself down that I stumbled across these powerful words. They said, ‘I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathise, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my passion for it all’- (anonymous). I was 24 at the time. This was where everything changed, my whole outlook on life did a 360 as I gave myself a slap in the face, literally, I slapped my face. I am sensitive; in fact, I would even go as far as saying I am hypersensitive. My senses are incredibly heightened and yes this can cause worry at times but I began to realise that sensitivity was one of the most beautiful characteristics an individual could posses. Yes, I feel the lowest of lows but I too feel the highest of highs. I recognise the beauty in all my surroundings and am lucky enough to experience the warm fuzzies that come with it. So thank you Pinterest, you changed my life.

Here began my journey. I became confident in myself and my abilities. I began to change and could physically feel the change happening. I stepped into a career that I haven’t looked back on. I became a behaviour intervention teacher for young children, which meant I was able to help children like myself embrace their emotions and the beauty that comes with it. I began a journey to better educate myself in the area and started my Masters of Cognitive Psychology and Educational Practice. It was here that I discovered mindfulness. A practice that originated from eastern meditation traditions and unfortunately until recently was given the side eye from society as it was deemed a little odd and too spiritual. I educated myself around the concept and even went as far as becoming a facilitator of child developed mindfulness programs.  As my curiosity and education of it grew so did my own practice of it. I began to hear of it more and more in the media, the education system and everyday lives. There was a buzz (there still is) and I was excited. I incorporated it into my classroom and watched as amazing things developed from it. Which brings me here. My passion for the practice is at an all-time high. There is very little stopping me from standing on top of a building and yelling to all, “mindfulness, the saviour and answer to everything”. Ok. Well maybe not everything but jeez, it helps. So here we are. I still have my bad days, trust me but this practice certainly helps. Enjoy, let’s grow and discover ourselves through a mindful mind together.